Have really been chewing on the question of when enough is enough. And wouldn't you know it, in the midst of all my considering, observing, deliberating, pondering - I came across two seemingly opposing points of view.
The first, on a tv show on the local education channel. The topic - simplification. The premise - that we have too many choices, more choice with less available time. The solution - reduce the number of choices by resisting advertising, shopping where there are fewer choices, and creating and following few and simple routines.
The second point of view, from a book titled life is a verb. The topic - living more intentionally. The premise - that we limit ourselves by doing and thinking the same things, playing it safe. The solution - every day for 37 days do something that takes you out of your comfort zone. See a movie you wouldn't typically consider, listen to music you wouldn't typically choose, try a new restuarant, learn about a topic that challenges your current thinking, etc., etc.
Too many choices? Not enough? What's a girl to do!? Well, I really hate either/or. So in the spirit of both/and, my solution (at least for now) is to significantly limit the number of choices related to material "stuff" by simplifying our environment, limiting spending, developing simpler household and personal routines...while ALSO listening to music I'd never entertain before, taking a drawing class, reading genres of writing I've avoided in the past, trying out alternative routes, even cooking occasionally!
And...so far, so good!
Monday, January 30, 2012
Monday, January 16, 2012
So Many Questions, So Little Time
"Judge a man by his questions, not his answers." - Voltaire
Love this quote, and love a good question. One that provokes deeper thinking, a challenge to static opinions, a quest for new possibilities. Especially, of myself. Questions that further understanding and new learning. Sometimes I go in search of them. Other times they pop up at unexpected times and from unexpected sources. Usually, they serve me well.
So, I find myself pondering several questions regarding this issue of considering alternatives:
Love this quote, and love a good question. One that provokes deeper thinking, a challenge to static opinions, a quest for new possibilities. Especially, of myself. Questions that further understanding and new learning. Sometimes I go in search of them. Other times they pop up at unexpected times and from unexpected sources. Usually, they serve me well.
So, I find myself pondering several questions regarding this issue of considering alternatives:
- Why can/do I generate alternatives more easily in some areas of my life than in others?
- Why is the generation of alternative approaches or possibilities so satisfying in itself?
- Do I/when do I hang out in possibilities to avoid a difficult decision or to avoid having to take action?
- What criteria can I use to judge when/if I have too many alternatives to consider, or, conversely, too few?
- I dislike, even distrust, either/or thinking - is this at the heart of why our political "debate" infuriates me so much? Why I also see the polarization as frightening, rather than merely frustrating?
- Under why conditions am I willing to consider alternatives (whether opinions or recommendations) posed by others? Under what conditions do I shut down or dismiss outright? What are the implications - for me, for my relationships?
Monday, January 9, 2012
When Is Enough Enough?
Normally reflective, I become even more so over the holiday and this year, having a nasty head cold, confined to bed or huddled under an afghan in my favorite recliner, I have given a lot of thought to this seemingly need/drive I have to create alternatives, to consider options, to seek other possibilities. Some of what I have to share will probably make anyone who knows me say "DUH, that's obvious! You haven't known this before?!" I have, but I don't know that I've considered some of the implications that have become clearer - and that I want to address. So, here goes:
- Being raised by strict parents and educated by even stricter nuns to think and behave by limited rules and imperatives, I resist anything that smacks of 'because I said so.' I particularly resist dogma and polarized options. Either/or, right/wrong, good/bad, all/nothing - too simplistic, too limiting. No wonder I have so little patience with our so-called political debate. Why I am close to despair about the lack of public discourse. Why I can't bear the talk shows, the political pundits.
- Conversely, my experience in the 60's, meeting foreign graduate students for the first time, exposed to alternative cultures, differing opinions in an atmosphere of challenging thought and long-held beliefs, I developed a deep appreciation for learning from and with others that persists to this day. Aha - so that's why I'm so pleased with the little book club I've found. The discussions there remind me of these earlier conversations.
- Later,trained in skills of critical thinking, committed for years to teaching youngsters to think critically, I love open-ended, provocative questions. I enjoy the process of examining issues from different perspectives, and see the cost to our reluctance to doing so in our public life.
- And, seeing alternatives and having several choices before making my own decisions has become my measure of personal success and independence.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Out of the Blue
It never fails to surprise me - the way an idea, a possibility, an alternative can sneak up on me, show up in the periphery of my vision, appear suddenly out of the blue when I least expect it.
For the past several years, I've taken this week to formulate goals for the coming year. Usually by arenas - health, relationship, work, etc. Or, occasionally by values - family, accomplishment, creativity, etc. This past year, I had one major, all-encompassing goal. Move to St. George, downsize, and reorganize our home. (Thrilled to say, I've/we've accomplished it.)
So what about 2012? What's next? And in the spirit of this blog, how might I approach goal-setting in a new way? I am slowly wending my way through old journals for insights and new possibilities, true, but that will take months to finish and a goal should be rooted in the future, right?
Then, quite unexpectedly, over a cup of coffee one recent morning, scanning a USA Today, a story caught my eye, a charming, inspiring story. The subject of the story, Jim Henry. He is 98 years old. And he has just published a book, In a Fisherman's Language. Amazing. Even more amazing, however, is that Jim was illiterate until he decided to learn to read and write - in his mid-90's!
"It's never too late to learn," says Jim. So, what do I want to learn about, says I? And the organizing principle for my goals for 2012 suddenly crystallized.
I'm starting with a bucket list, not of places I want to see, but of things I want to learn more about and things I want to learn to do. And from this list, I'm creating not so much a series of goals in the traditional sense of the word, but a course of study, my own syllabus. I don't know if this would work for anybody else, but for me this feels so right. Because, unlike too many of the goals of the past, goals driven by what I felt I should or needed to do, this I want to do.
My initial thoughts - choose a theme per month. To begin with, nutrition. I'm embarrassed to admit I know too little and genuinely want to know more. And learn about the state we live in, including take a trip to explore and become acquainted with it. Or World War II, or the 20's. And there are the Impressionists, and the classic novels I've not read.
And - what I want to learn to do or learn to do better - to draw, to make better use of the computer, to write more creatively.
An explosion of ideas, generated by a brief newspaper article. Thank you, Mr. Henry.
For the past several years, I've taken this week to formulate goals for the coming year. Usually by arenas - health, relationship, work, etc. Or, occasionally by values - family, accomplishment, creativity, etc. This past year, I had one major, all-encompassing goal. Move to St. George, downsize, and reorganize our home. (Thrilled to say, I've/we've accomplished it.)
So what about 2012? What's next? And in the spirit of this blog, how might I approach goal-setting in a new way? I am slowly wending my way through old journals for insights and new possibilities, true, but that will take months to finish and a goal should be rooted in the future, right?
Then, quite unexpectedly, over a cup of coffee one recent morning, scanning a USA Today, a story caught my eye, a charming, inspiring story. The subject of the story, Jim Henry. He is 98 years old. And he has just published a book, In a Fisherman's Language. Amazing. Even more amazing, however, is that Jim was illiterate until he decided to learn to read and write - in his mid-90's!
"It's never too late to learn," says Jim. So, what do I want to learn about, says I? And the organizing principle for my goals for 2012 suddenly crystallized.
I'm starting with a bucket list, not of places I want to see, but of things I want to learn more about and things I want to learn to do. And from this list, I'm creating not so much a series of goals in the traditional sense of the word, but a course of study, my own syllabus. I don't know if this would work for anybody else, but for me this feels so right. Because, unlike too many of the goals of the past, goals driven by what I felt I should or needed to do, this I want to do.
My initial thoughts - choose a theme per month. To begin with, nutrition. I'm embarrassed to admit I know too little and genuinely want to know more. And learn about the state we live in, including take a trip to explore and become acquainted with it. Or World War II, or the 20's. And there are the Impressionists, and the classic novels I've not read.
And - what I want to learn to do or learn to do better - to draw, to make better use of the computer, to write more creatively.
An explosion of ideas, generated by a brief newspaper article. Thank you, Mr. Henry.
Saturday, December 10, 2011
The Road Not Taken
I've been giving a lot of thought lately to how I make decisions, particularly the big ones. Not just while rereading past journals, not just to understand for the sake of understanding. I know I've some big decisions ahead of me, foreseen and unforeseen. And I want to make them as consciously and effectively as possible.
In the past, I have been quite influenced, positively and negatively, by the perceptions and opinions of others. The usual cast of characters - parents, teachers, friends, authors. And the occasional stranger.
One in particular. A young woman who impacted the entire course of my life. Picture this - l957, Mid-west, Catholic all-girls school, sheltered girl from a strict Sicilian family, taking clerical courses to become a secretary. Enter a young woman asking to give some IQ tests to juniors for her masters degree thesis. For some undisclosed reason, I am selected to participate.
After the test is completed and scored, young woman asks what I intend to study in college. "Who, me? College? I'm not going to college." The young woman, aghast, "But you have to. You're too bright not to."
Me, stunned. No one had ever called me bright before. She persisted, speaking to the nuns to support the idea. Offering to speak to my parents on my behalf - did not take her up on that one! And the more she persisted, the more an idea that I had never entertained became a possibility.
So, I summoned the courage and went directly to my father, who, somewhat stunned himself, said, "Why would you do that, you're just going to get married and have a family. Besides, we can't help you. Any money we can spare has to be set aside for your brother." Remember, it was l957!
But the possibility had become a dream and with it came a new possibility. I could make a decision that my parents did not support. The rest is history. How I was one of only a very few of my class to enter college on graduation. How I earned my own way, becoming the first woman on both sides of my family to get my degree. How I went on to get my masters degree.
Certainly, I will never know what my life would have been like had I not met the young woman, had I not gone to college. But to quote my favorite poem by my favorite poet, Robert Frost...
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less traveled by
And that has made all the difference.
So, however much I research and contemplate alternatives, how much I seek the wisdom of others, I hope I never forget to stay open to the insights and inspiration of total strangers.
In the past, I have been quite influenced, positively and negatively, by the perceptions and opinions of others. The usual cast of characters - parents, teachers, friends, authors. And the occasional stranger.
One in particular. A young woman who impacted the entire course of my life. Picture this - l957, Mid-west, Catholic all-girls school, sheltered girl from a strict Sicilian family, taking clerical courses to become a secretary. Enter a young woman asking to give some IQ tests to juniors for her masters degree thesis. For some undisclosed reason, I am selected to participate.
After the test is completed and scored, young woman asks what I intend to study in college. "Who, me? College? I'm not going to college." The young woman, aghast, "But you have to. You're too bright not to."
Me, stunned. No one had ever called me bright before. She persisted, speaking to the nuns to support the idea. Offering to speak to my parents on my behalf - did not take her up on that one! And the more she persisted, the more an idea that I had never entertained became a possibility.
So, I summoned the courage and went directly to my father, who, somewhat stunned himself, said, "Why would you do that, you're just going to get married and have a family. Besides, we can't help you. Any money we can spare has to be set aside for your brother." Remember, it was l957!
But the possibility had become a dream and with it came a new possibility. I could make a decision that my parents did not support. The rest is history. How I was one of only a very few of my class to enter college on graduation. How I earned my own way, becoming the first woman on both sides of my family to get my degree. How I went on to get my masters degree.
Certainly, I will never know what my life would have been like had I not met the young woman, had I not gone to college. But to quote my favorite poem by my favorite poet, Robert Frost...
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less traveled by
And that has made all the difference.
So, however much I research and contemplate alternatives, how much I seek the wisdom of others, I hope I never forget to stay open to the insights and inspiration of total strangers.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
What's Important?
This venture, considering alternatives for the future, is taking me down some interesting pathways. I am, as I initially intended, revisiting old journals to see what I may have forgotten, what original dreams I have given up on, what themes or patterns of thinking could open up new possibilities.
But I am also journaling now in some ways I haven't before, an alternative in itself. This new "special journal", for example, simply asking myself at the end of the day, "What's the most important thing that happened today?" Heaven knows, I've filled pages on what I haven't liked about a day. But what's important? And why it's important?
Some days nothing seems to have been important. Some days, two or three things seem to be and deciding which is most important proves to be the most valuable aspect of this little exercise. Case in point...our tradition of listing, on Thanksgiving Day, what we are grateful for over the past year. Taking turns, usually while we are driving somewhere. Started on a whim. A ten year tradition now.
Reflected that night - was it important that we continued the tradition? Or that the list was so long? Or that we agreed so often? Or that he seemed to enjoy doing so - in the past, I think he just humored me. Ultimately, I decided that what is most important to me is that I have a partner who is willing to create tradition with me and still healthy enough to do so. Talk about grateful!
Don't know yet if I'll continue this practice, or whether it will lead me in new directions, but for now it seems - well, important.
But I am also journaling now in some ways I haven't before, an alternative in itself. This new "special journal", for example, simply asking myself at the end of the day, "What's the most important thing that happened today?" Heaven knows, I've filled pages on what I haven't liked about a day. But what's important? And why it's important?
Some days nothing seems to have been important. Some days, two or three things seem to be and deciding which is most important proves to be the most valuable aspect of this little exercise. Case in point...our tradition of listing, on Thanksgiving Day, what we are grateful for over the past year. Taking turns, usually while we are driving somewhere. Started on a whim. A ten year tradition now.
Reflected that night - was it important that we continued the tradition? Or that the list was so long? Or that we agreed so often? Or that he seemed to enjoy doing so - in the past, I think he just humored me. Ultimately, I decided that what is most important to me is that I have a partner who is willing to create tradition with me and still healthy enough to do so. Talk about grateful!
Don't know yet if I'll continue this practice, or whether it will lead me in new directions, but for now it seems - well, important.
Monday, November 14, 2011
So Many Books, So Little Time
Recently, I came across one of my "special" journals, a journal devoted to one topic. Like the one I kept after my divorce when I was so angry with virtually every man I had ever known. Got to find that and burn it!
This volume contains brief reviews of the books I read one year. Mostly mysteries...it was a stressful year and mysteries have always offered a respite from the stresses of life. Somewhere there's a journal with reviews of Steinbeck, Maughm, and Hemingway. I also tend to read by author.
Rereading these reviews has brought back some pleasant memories. But more important, I can see how much my tastes have changed and grown. Mysteries still beckon me - Donna Leon, Louise Penny, Andrea Camillieri read this past summer. On my Kindle, however, Wendell Berry, a book of essays, a National Book Award winner, and on my bedstand, David McCullough and a book of haiku. Not bad for someone who didn't read a novel until high school.
Haven't kept up recording book reviews. Maybe if I did, I wouldn't be finding duplicates.
Looking forward to finding other special journals, particularly my old gratitude journals, to seeing if there are patterns, threads that run through the fabric of my life. Seeing if something I wrote years ago may still be on a list recently
compiled. Because this is a practice I have maintained, every night now for over 30 years.
As I'm typing this in the evening, seems appropriate to end with today's gratitude list...on this day I am grateful for -
This volume contains brief reviews of the books I read one year. Mostly mysteries...it was a stressful year and mysteries have always offered a respite from the stresses of life. Somewhere there's a journal with reviews of Steinbeck, Maughm, and Hemingway. I also tend to read by author.
Rereading these reviews has brought back some pleasant memories. But more important, I can see how much my tastes have changed and grown. Mysteries still beckon me - Donna Leon, Louise Penny, Andrea Camillieri read this past summer. On my Kindle, however, Wendell Berry, a book of essays, a National Book Award winner, and on my bedstand, David McCullough and a book of haiku. Not bad for someone who didn't read a novel until high school.
Haven't kept up recording book reviews. Maybe if I did, I wouldn't be finding duplicates.
Looking forward to finding other special journals, particularly my old gratitude journals, to seeing if there are patterns, threads that run through the fabric of my life. Seeing if something I wrote years ago may still be on a list recently
compiled. Because this is a practice I have maintained, every night now for over 30 years.
As I'm typing this in the evening, seems appropriate to end with today's gratitude list...on this day I am grateful for -
- the spontaneous movie matinee with my husband
- roses from our new rose garden - in November, no less!
- a warm afghan and a cup of tea on a chilly afternoon
- the call from my brother to recommend yet another book I "have to read"
- and being able to
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