tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-59303077424785116402024-03-19T03:56:03.527-07:00Considering the Alternatives ...Recognizing opportunities, creating new possibilities - thriving, not merely surviving - during life's inevitable changes and transitionsAngiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05754244704171281174noreply@blogger.comBlogger49125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5930307742478511640.post-88731623942568248212015-09-18T18:05:00.000-07:002015-09-18T18:18:02.278-07:00And So It Goes<div style="text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This is where I stop the story of Considering the Alternatives. For several reasons, it seems the right time to start a completely new chapter, perhaps a sequel? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The transition I set out to blog about so many months ago is complete.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Our move to St. George is complete. It's not just that we have regular routines, new friends, services we trust, and know our way around the city. It's the feeling, the declaration we make when we return from a trip that "it's good to be <i>home</i>." Not St. George, but home. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Our adjustment to retirement is complete. Well, mine is - John continues to do business via his website. I have new hobbies, new interests, relationships that have nothing to do with past events or career. A new structure to my days and activities has evolved. And a new sense of direction and commitment.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So as promised in my last posting, I have launched a new blog in which to document that commitment. Please check out </span></div>
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http://justanothercandle.blogspot.com</div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and if you find it interesting, I hope you will follow it and tell others to check it, too.</span><br />
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Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05754244704171281174noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5930307742478511640.post-11419564221067463392015-06-08T13:14:00.002-07:002015-06-08T13:14:24.475-07:00In Praise of Procrastination!?!<div style="text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Procrastination enables us to understand the true measure of our reluctance." </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><u>I have struggled with procrastination for as long as I can remember.</u> I've examined the issue inside out and upside down. With little more than temporary clarity and not much change in behavior. I'd almost surrendered to the idea that "it's in my DNA" w</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">hen, I came across this quote by poet and author, David Whyte, in </span><u style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Consolations:The Solace, Nourishment, and Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words:</u></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> "Procrastination when studied closely can be a beautiful thing, a parallel with patience, a companionable friend, a revealer of the true pattern, already caught within us; acknowledging for instance, as a writer, that before a book (<i>or a poem, or a letter - or a blog?) </i>can be written, most of the ways it cannot be written must be tried first in our minds; on the blank screen, on the empty page or staring at the bedroom ceiling at four in the morning."</span></div>
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<u style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Procrastination, a beautiful thing? A companionable friend?</u><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Not a source of angst and self-recrimination? Even the possibility was a relief. I decided to test his assertion by specifically examining the source(s) of my reluctance to compose this posting - (which has in fact been tried out in my mind ad nauseum for months now). What's behind, lurking underneath, not what's wrong. And a bigger question - why is it such an effort to create these posts, when I easily write three to four pages in my private journal every morning?</span></div>
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<u style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I decided to approach my examination gently and patiently.</u><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Just to pay attention. And possible answers emerged, slowly, unexpectedly, on a walk, while journaling, while making the bed, while reading someone else's blog, at four in the morning. If you've ever struggled to write, you may recognize some of the litany that surfaced - maybe there's a better way to say this; maybe there's a better topic; I don't write as well as (supply anyone else's name!); this isn't clear enough, clever enough, good enough, important enough; a blog isn't private; what if I throw a party and no one comes, etc., etc., etc.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><u>Finally, the "AHAs".</u> I've been approaching blogging like a school assignment, needing to write an essay about a topic that kept changing! Wondering if I'll get a good grade. I do want to create a blog, but with the ease with which I journal and about a topic or theme I consider important, whether or not anyone else agrees. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><u>Therefore, I have decided to terminate this blog and start afresh.</u> With a clean slate. With a focus on the issue that is important to me and growing more important with each passing day. <i>Just Another Candle</i> will be about aging, not aging gracefully, or artfully, or with dignity or any of the other popular descriptors. Just aging from the vantage point of one everyday, aging, curious woman. No expert, not Jane Fonda or Andrew Weill. Observations, and questions, some insights, no advice. </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm almost ready to launch it and will post an addendum here to let you know where and when you can access it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><u>A final thought about procrastination</u> - it really did provide the space and opportunity to understand the true measure of my resistance and by taking advantage of that opportunity, I could compose this post with relative ease. I look forward to Just Another Candle. I have lists of ideas for topics. So I agree with Whyte, procrastination <i>can</i> be a revealer of the true pattern, but we have to be willing to see it, to own it and do something about it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><u>Now, why do I continue to procrastinate about exercise?</u></span></div>
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Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05754244704171281174noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5930307742478511640.post-75244494626801864242015-01-22T21:02:00.000-08:002015-01-22T21:02:03.040-08:00If at First You Don't Succeed, etc., etc.<div style="text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I thought I was doing a good job of staying in the present, my intention for the year. I was working diligently to stay focused, in the here and now. <u>Then Paris happened.</u> And the incessant news coverage, the constant reminder that the world is not safe. That terrorists can surface anywhere and anytime. I was glued to CNN for hours, even as I was aware that I was watching the same interview, the same shots again and again. My best intentions blowing in the wind.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><u>Before I realized it, I was overwhelmed by worry for the future and caught up in the history of my childhood</u>. I am old enough and remember enough to see the incidents in Paris (and too many other places) as reminiscent of the rise of Nazism. I believe that apathy, appeasement, rationalization and pervasive fear are the breeding ground for such evil to spread. I could feel my jaw tighten, my breathing becoming shallow. I could feel worry morphing into anxiety.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><u>No surprise that Sunday found me dejected</u>. Thankfully, I decided to attend our local Unitarian Fellowship service and was pleasantly surprised to walk in on </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">what might have been the largest gathering in its history here in St. George. A group of thoughtful, open, concerned people who want to make a difference in this little community had assembled, many I believe, in search of some optimism - and a desire for some degree of control in a world increasingly out of control. My spirits gradually began to lift.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><u>I then came home to see that incredible display of solidarity and courage in Paris.</u> I listened to thoughtful, in-depth analyses, the call for unified action, the validation that other people out there are seeing what I'm seeing. .By the end of the day, I had regained some semblance of equilibrium and enough of the news. Maybe more than enough?!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><u>Looking back on those few days, I easily can see how I sabotaged my intention</u> to stay as much as possible in the present and attend to my sense of well-being. I broke the promise to myself to limit the amount of time spent watching TV news. Easy to see, looking out the back window. Not so easy to interrupt in the midst of it. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /><u>I've been tempted to swear off the news completely,</u> and can understand why some people have. But for me, for now, a more palatable solution is to get my news from NPR, a couple magazines...and John Stewart. At least with John, I can laugh a little.</span><br />
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Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05754244704171281174noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5930307742478511640.post-75436455133238464432015-01-05T21:18:00.000-08:002015-01-07T09:32:04.885-08:00I'm Getting Off the Goal Setting Band Wagon!<div style="text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><u>Every year, for the past 30 years, I've spent several days of the holiday season thinking about, writing about, and talking to my husband about goals for the coming year.</u> Ambitious goals. </span><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Every year I've created elaborate plans to meet those goals.</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><u>Not this year</u>. No goals, not even New Year's resolutions. It's not that I intend to become a couch potato, simply veg out, or give up. But events of the past few weeks have reminded me of a lesson I thought I'd learned when I had cancer, and then again when John did. The lesson best expressed in that old saying, </span><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry". </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><u>Goals focus on the future.</u> They contain the promises of success, satisfaction and happiness if only we plan carefully and execute with determined diligence. If we follow the approach of any one of a variety of goal setting gurus. Heaven knows I've tried many, and taught a few to coaching clients. </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yet, even in my most productive of years, I've not met all my goals. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><u>Because life has the inconvenient habit of intervening.</u> Competing commitments arise, new opportunities, new information, and new relationships emerge. Then, there's the inevitable disappointments, illness and loss. In our lives. In the lives of those we love. Or those we know from afar. </span><br />
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<u style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So this year, I've decided to focus on one simple, over-arching objective - to do something each day to add to the quality of my life and that of those I touch</u><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. That's it. Right here, right now - t</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">o do what I can to be positive and engaged. To learn and explore new interests. To take better care of my health. Right here, right now. Nothing grand or elaborate. Little things, like taking that walk when I don't feel like it, or giving John my undivided attention when he comes to share something. Little things, like turning off the TV to read (or not turning it on in the first place.) </span><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Little things, like sending a hand written note or card to someone with whom I've lost touch or letting someone go ahead of me in the grocery line. </span><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Little things like noticing, really noticing the desert sky at dusk or watching our little family of feral cats snuggle up to keep warm. </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Those little daily things that can get too easily lost in the pursuit of some future goal. The things that build resiliency and well-being, that strengthen relationships and make a fragile existence easier to navigate.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If I hadn't come to this decision over the past few weeks, I'd like to think I would have these past two days. If you've listened to the many analysts and sports figures share their stories and memories of Stuart Scott, the ESPN analyst who lost his battle with cancer yesterday at the age of 49, you couldn't miss the outpouring of love and gratitude for his acts of kindness and generosity, for his humor and love of life. This was a man who was respected for his courage and accomplishments, but cherished and valued for who he was as a human being. He was a man who added to the quality of life of many, many people. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So, my best hope for this new year is that it be filled with health, love and laughter, and that come this time next year I can say it was a very good year, one of the best ever. My hope for you is definitely the same.</span><br />
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Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05754244704171281174noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5930307742478511640.post-28511804105368215002014-12-01T06:56:00.000-08:002014-12-01T06:56:01.805-08:00"Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans."<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Life doesn't know what it will be until it notices what it has become."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Over the years, I have reread a deceptively simple book and each time I have been struck with its relevancy to my life at that point in time. Is this what makes a book a classic?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The book, </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><u>A Simpler Way</u>, is </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">one of the 18 books that I store on a special shelf to remind me of the authors who have most shaped my personal perspective. I picked it up in a bookstore in the late '90's when I was looking for a book to share with my staff at an upcoming meeting and didn't have a lot of time to prepare for. The title, the</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> chapter headings, the quotes, the length - only 101 pages - and especially the presence of a lot of white space and photographs promised as easy read. Wrong! I found myself reading and rereading paragraphs, even single lines, taken with the novelty of her ideas and the almost poetic, meditative style of her writing.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I picked it up again this morning, looking for something inspirational to read this coming week when we will be in California, hoping to help a dear friend, reeling from the unexpected death of her partner, her love, her life's companion. And this line, "Life doesn't know what it will be until it notices what it has become," was all it took for me to make my choice.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This line was all it took to finally sit down and create this post, the first in almost six months. I didn't set out six months ago to take a hiatus from writing. I had, in fact, several ideas for the upcoming weeks. Then, as that other quote goes, life happened while I was busy making other plans. The desert heat descended upon us. I developed a vexing condition in my eyes that lingered well into autumn. A trip didn't turn out as I had planned - etc., etc. Events that I wasn't in the mood to write about, reluctant to complain or simply not ready or willing to air publicly. In short, life happened. And in the process, it has taken on a shape and texture I didn't notice until quite recently.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I haven't moved. I haven't lost those 10 pounds. I have the same car and enjoy the same music and TV shows and eat at the same restaurants. But - for the first time in many, many years, I am not writing elaborate goals for the coming year. I have committed to three projects that I want to pursue, rather than goals I think I should pursue. I'm choosing not to finish a book I'm not enjoying even if everyone else did, have opted out of activities I wasn't enjoying, </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">saying no with less deliberation.</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> I'm watching The Wizard of Oz or An American in Paris or The Princess Bride for the 20th time - guilt-free. I'm learning about football rather than just tolerating it, even finding the computer an interesting resource rather than just a </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">necessary nuisance. I'm sketching every day, my journals evolving into art journals, filled with doodles and drawing and fancy lettering, and I actually believe I'm creative. I'm finally, finally, learning to take each day as it comes, with all its challenges and all its gifts.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I suspect I am evolving my own definition of aging artfully, an intention I declared here months ago. I look forward to noticing more, to sharing more, to inviting you to share with me.</span></div>
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Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05754244704171281174noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5930307742478511640.post-90841639612949032832014-06-06T20:30:00.000-07:002014-06-06T20:30:39.703-07:00It's the Simple Things<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I've kept a gratitude journal for years.</b> Long before Oprah recommended it. The practice reminds me to look for daily small miracles. Keeps me moving just a bit more gracefully through the muck and mire that life can deliver. Some days I can list a dozen things I'm grateful for. Other days I simply repeat, "I made it through the day."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>After a recent challenging day when I kept bumping into sad and troubling news, I sat down and pressed myself to list 25 things.</b> I came up with the following:</span></div>
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<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">the first Bing cherries of the season</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">a single beautiful Henry Fonda rose</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">the litter of feral kittens using our backyard as their playground</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">enjoying a movie matinee with John</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">homemade chocolate chip cookies, fresh out of the oven</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">an unexpected visit from an old friend</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">a glass of wine with a new friend</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">the recommendation of a good book that delivers as promised</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">an e-mail that brings a belly laugh</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">frozen yogurt with chocolate sprinkles on top</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">the new season of So You Think You Can Dance</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">a phone call from my brother or sister</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">a hummingbird hovering over the feeder</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">a mug of iced sun tea</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">comfortable shoes</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">a leisurely early morning walk</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">salmon sunsets</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and coral dawns</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">a musical performance under the stars</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">any Castle rerun</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">finding something I thought I had lost</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">solving a challenging Sudoku, or a jigsaw puzzle, or a crossword puzzle</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">a smile from a stranger</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">learning to do something, anything, no mater how small on the computer - on my own</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and always - "I love you"</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Small miracles, but miracles nonetheless.</b> And it helped. Now, can I come up with another 25 gratitudes? What would John's list would contain? Yours?</span><br />
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Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05754244704171281174noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5930307742478511640.post-89776792714136424722014-05-21T22:31:00.000-07:002014-05-21T22:31:18.140-07:00When in Doubt...<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">" The wisdom of the wise, and the experience of ages may be preserved by quotation."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I recently received a couple e-mail invitations to participate in a chain of one's favorite inspirational quote. I haven't yet responded - not because I don't have one, but rather because I have so many that I am having difficulty choosing only one.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I started using quotations to inspire journal writing years ago, have favorite books of collections of quotes and a notebook of inspirational quotes from books I've read. </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> For years, </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I've turned to a quote when I feel unmotivated to write or feel stalled or find myself chewing on an issue or concern. A good quote always gets me going again. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So <i>one</i>? The<i> most </i>inspirational? These are some of my current favorites...</span><br />
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<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Things do not change; we change." ~Henry David Thoreau</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"The old woman I shall become will be quite different from the woman I am now. Another I is beginning." ~ George Sand</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are." ~ Bernice Johnson Reagon</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Living is a constant process of deciding what we are going to do." ~Jose Ortega y Gasser</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"No day is so bad it can't be fixed with a nap." ~Carrie Snow</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Life only demands from the strength you possess. Only one feat is possible - not to have run away." ~Dag Hammarskjold</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"We have enough people who tell it like it is - now we could use a few who tell it like it can be." ~ Robert Orben</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Whether you think you can or you can't, you're right." ~Henry Ford</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and...."Be kind - everyone is fighting a hard battle."</span></div>
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Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05754244704171281174noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5930307742478511640.post-53556913560787940792014-04-22T20:54:00.003-07:002014-04-22T20:54:32.741-07:00In Search of Inspiration<div style="text-align: center;">
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<b><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">“Unfortunately, we don't have all that many good examples to follow. The people that our cultures label as "successful" are the ones who have become wealthy or famous or celebrities, but the truly successful people--those who have become happy and who are living happy, loving, giving lives--aren't often featured in our newspapers or newscasts. We see the politicians and the criminals and the athletes and the entertainment "stars," but we don't see the people who can truly inspire us to be happy by being just who we are.” </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">― </span><a href="http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/423118.Tom_Walsh" style="background-color: white; color: #666600; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;">Tom Walsh</a></span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>The author of this quote,</b> <b>Tom Walsh, business columnist for the Detroit Free Press, could be describing our current culture, at least as I see it. </b>And coming across his quote to a degree reassuring. I'm not just an old-fashioned prude, or out of touch - not with it. I was beginning to wonder if I were sounding like my mother in her final years, something I vowed I would never do. But I have felt this way for some time now.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>It's not that there are no wonderful, courageous dedicated folks out there.</b> It's that we, as a culture, don't seem to value them very much, if our media is an indication of what we hold to be important and cherished.. We are inundated with stories of the rich and famous (or infamous); we are asked to vote on who is to blame for the latest assault; our respect is demanded by people who do not appear to respect others; we are "entertained" by people who dress and behave as though they don't respect themselves. It's enough to make a grown woman cry. Or become cynical and even, occasionally, afraid.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Fortunately, there <i>are</i> wonderful, courageous and dedicated folks out there. </b>Occasionally, they even show up on TV, usually on Sunday morning, or after a catastrophe or disaster. Everyday folks who rise to the occasion or who are dealing with personal challenges with grace and dignity. Like the survivors of the Boston Marathon bombing. Like the individuals and communities that band together to help a family in need or to clean up neighborhoods. And the occasional celebrity who makes a genuine and dedicated commitment to a cause - I immediately think of Gary Sinise and his support of the Wounded Warrior Project. </span><br />
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<b>We all can use good examples.</b>. Not just children. We need them at all stages of our lives. Not to emulate but to inspire. To inspire us to live "happy, loving, giving lives." Not perfect heroes or heroines or larger than life figures. But people we can identify with. People who present possibilities within our reach if only we will reach a little higher. People who strive for something other than money or image, who care about others, who treat others with respect. The neighbor who watches our home when we are on vacation or the stranger who stops to help with a flat tire. Perhaps someone ahead of us in the stream of life. Or someone behind us from whom we can learn or just enjoy being with.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I used to ask workshop participants and coaching clients to select five individuals, living or dead, real or imaginary, who would serve as a board of directors for their lives. </b>They would find the task challenging, if not impossible. Today I would ask a different question, one that I am asking myself. W</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">ho inspires you from the people you know and engage with? With great relief and satisfaction, I can answer that question - easily. My list includes a friend who can defuse any potential upset with humor and finesse. Another who is facing a terminal illness with awesome dignity. My sister who has the clearest and most responsible boundaries I have ever experienced. My brother who has an insatiable thirst for learning, not mere knowledge, but genuine learning. My husband who really does forgive and forget....and more.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>But I have to admit, I also find Dame Judi Dench inspiring!</b></span><br />
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Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05754244704171281174noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5930307742478511640.post-44134361432649947122014-04-06T12:01:00.000-07:002014-04-06T12:01:02.135-07:00What a Difference a Day Makes<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>"</b><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In having less, and less to do, we give ourselves a chance to feel rich with contentment."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I came across this quote while in the midst of my simplification efforts. </b>One of several quotes from <u>The Minimalist Woman</u> that served as an inspiration to continue donating, consigning, repurposing, tossing. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>This particular quote, however helpful, began to niggle at me. </b> For though I definitely could see that I had less and I had less to do (clearing out the stuff had prompted me to reduce a few of the obligations I had undertaken, an</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">d I am retired after all) I became acutely aware that I wasn't consistently content. Oh, there were plenty of moments, but I couldn't seem to sustain it for very long. Because, truth be told, I have to admit -</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I'm a worrier. </b>And the funny thing is (well, not so funny), that I wouldn't have acknowledged this a year ago. Chiefly, because </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I can catch myself when I start to fret and then bring myself back to the present. In fact, I can do this so well that the frequency with which I do this had become transparent to me. Until a few months ago when, in a conversation, my sister called me a worrier and laughed when I protested. Laughed, incredulously.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>So, I started to pay attention and was appalled. </b></span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I hadn't realized just how often I had to brace myself against dark imaginings, or made plans for dire circumstances. Whenever my brother or sister said they were going in for a checkup, I couldn't relax until I heard they had a clean bill of health. </span><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Whenever John would catch a cold or say he wasn't feeling well, I had to catch myself, interrupt my immediate chain of thoughts or I'd go from thinking his lymphoma had returned to my being a bag lady on the streets - a chain that was forged within a nanosecond. And whenever I forgot something, like where I put my glasses, or a word I was sure I knew, well, you can guess...onset dementia!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Then, this past month John returned to Houston for his annual checkup.</b> The full battery of tests. And I waited to hear if he was still in remission. And I worried that we might learn the other shoe had dropped - it has been nine years, after all. Wondered whether this would be the year... Knew he was worried too, perhaps even afraid. Vacillated between mere worry and outright anxiety.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>The news <i>was</i> different this year. </b> Not only were his test results good, but they were better than ever. So good that he does not have to return for a checkup for two years. So good that his doctor is confident that we are out of the woods. The wonderful news, the miraculous news - that was once one of the worst diagnosis - non-Hodgkins lymphoma -</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">now has a high degree of successful treatment with the protocol John received nine years ago. T</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">hat anyone who has received that protocol - a stem cell replacement - and has remained cancer free for over three years, need not worry about recurrence.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Not worry?!</b> Novel idea. In the weeks that have passed since his visit, I have enjoyed the first crocuses, daffodils and tulips of spring. Enjoyed lunch with friends. Enjoyed watching The Voice with John and catch-up calls with old friends. Enjoyed walks in the afternoon and reading mysteries in the evening....in short, I've enjoyed a worry-free zone, "rich with contentment."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I am not naive, however.</b> I realize there will be another challenge, another crisis, just around the corner. That this may just be a lull in the storm of life. But for now, for now I want to enjoy it and learn how not to worry about what might be. Worrying about what is, well, that's enough for anyone. For now, I want to enjoy our tulips.</span><br />
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Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05754244704171281174noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5930307742478511640.post-35548835820234627992014-03-14T12:51:00.000-07:002014-03-14T12:51:21.474-07:00Nice and Easy Does It Every Time<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"When you have a great and difficult task, something perhaps almost impossible, if you only work a little at a time, every day a little, suddenly the work will finish itself.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After two and a half months of letting go of cosmetics, dishes, books, knickknacks, purses,etc.,etc, I'm finally seeing empty drawers, space on the shelves and in the closets. t feels sooooooo good! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And though I am still not committed to becoming a minimalist in the true sense of the word, I can understand why many people have. The sense of freedom and accomplishment is very satisfying. And I feel so mature! So responsible!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In the process, these are three of the most important things I've learned: </span></div>
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<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Anyone <i>can</i> eat an elephant, a bite at a time. I know many of the experts recommend a sweeping purge. However, I think the overwhelm of that option may be why many people who know they should downsize and declutter, yet keep putting it off. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Less choice makes decision-making easier, much easier. Duh!!</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Shutting out the siren call of the marketers - whether on TV, in the print media, or on technological gadgets - significantly reduces the temptation to fill the empty spaces again. It's also eye-opening to get in touch with how strong and pervasive the buy, buy, buy message is.</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Three strategies that have proven particularly effective:</span></div>
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<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Having a box accessible for depositing items for donation - it keeps the commitment visible. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Setting a daily goal of 3 items to donate; 3 to toss and 3 to either store or use in a new way....and striving to do so early in the day. After 10 weeks, I'm down to 1,1, and 1!!! After 10 weeks, it's now a habit. (And I don't form habits easily.)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Staying focused, one task at a time - a shelf, a drawer, one box - no multi-tasking for me. </span></li>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Three resources that I have found most useful:</span></div>
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<li><u style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Organizing for the Creative Person</u><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">, by Dorothy Lehmkuhl and Dolores Cotter, the book that offers an abundance of ideas for a non-linear individual like me! (or you?) The book that asserted I could become organized and it could even be fun. If you have tried the more typical suggestions to become organized yet haven't been able to sustain the results, this may be the first book to consult. </span></li>
<li><u style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Secrets of Simplicity,</u><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> by</span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Mary Carlomagno, the book that inspired me to think SIMPLE, not merely organized. I particularly like the questions she poses to help her readers "learn to live better with less." Plus, it's an attractive book that is simply organized and easy to access and use.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><u>The Not So Big Life</u>, by Sarah Susanka, a thoughtful blend of exercises and inspiring stories that deliver a philosophical basis for simplifying and practical activities to support doing so.</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">For those of you who prefer your Kindle or Nook, there's a </span><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">plethora of short and sweet e-books dealing with organization, decluttering, simplification and minimalism. Among the most helpful that I have found is....</span></div>
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<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">the work of Meg Wolfe, who goes by the tagline The Minimalist Woman, and is the author of an e-book by the same title and an engaging blog, www.theminimalistwoman.com </span></li>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Information's clearly not the issue. As with dieting, there's plenty of information out there. It's not so much about finding the right program, as much as finding the right motivation and the strength of commitment. For me, the motivation to simplify my environment grew out of my wish to age artfully. Might take me another 10 weeks to complete this job, but I</span><br />
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Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05754244704171281174noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5930307742478511640.post-87532410289948990132014-02-05T14:28:00.000-08:002014-03-08T18:31:39.499-08:00A Reason to Celebrate<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">''Youth is a quality, not a matter of circumstances."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Frank Lloyd Wright</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Next week I will celebrate my 73rd birthday, and I do intend to celebrate. I realize that some folks would be aghast that I admit my age, but I'm pleased that I'm still here, still healthy, still learning and contributing. I may occasionally feel the physical wear and tear of an arthritic knee, or become perturbed when I can't quickly retrieve a word that I know I know. But for the most part, I'm a happy camper. In many ways, happier than I've ever been.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Maybe this is why it has been surprisingly easy to let go of years worth of...stuff. Much easier than I had expected.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In the weeks since this New Year began, I've been on a decluttering, simplifying tear. Not that we're hoarders, or even messy. In fact, after years of concerted efforts to downsize and become more organized, I'm sure any casual observer would be impressed with the <i>labeled </i>organization I had already created.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What I came to recognize last fall, however, was that what had been accomplished was merely a corralling of the clutter, albeit quite stylishly. We still had too much, way too much. After all, we married at age 40 and combined my stuff with his stuff and eventually added some of my parents' stuff. That's a lot of stuff.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So, I made a commitment to pare down, to streamline, to create space, order and freedom, not just organization. To confront whatever would surface in the process. No matter what. Whatever it might take. However long it might take. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I approached this commitment as I historically have approached goals or projects. By reading everything I could get my hands on. Besides the shelves of books and magazines, there is a plethora of e-books dealing with organization, simplification, minimalism, goal setting, habit development.....Well, you get it. One can spend months learning and not doing much. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So, as the saying goes, I bit the bullet and started clearing drawers and boxes, baskets and totes, shelves and cabinets, initially setting my sights on selecting 10 items to donate or gift, 10 items to throw away, and 10 items to store/use more functionally - every day! I'm almost embarrassed to say I achieved that every day for 2 weeks. For the last three weeks, I've settled on being a "triple threat."...finding 3 items to toss, 3 to donate and 3 to relocate...every day - after all, I am making progress.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This is some of what I am learning along the way....</span></div>
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<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am not committed to becoming a minimalist...yet. That may come in time.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am committed to living with FAR less than the marketing industry promotes.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">To avoid merely replacing what we are releasing requires vigilance against that same industry...tossing catalogs without leafing through them, turning off the TV or at least not watching commercials, knowing the difference between wanting and needing, challenging the constant assertion that we DESERVE every new product or service.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> It's not our duty to fuel the economy. It's painfully obvious that we have done our share!</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Some tips and techniques do help, so research can be valuable. However, many of these tips and techniques show up repeatedly, just packaged in different language, sequence, or format. (I'll recommend some of my favorite resources in my next blog).</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm an out of sight, out of mind gal. So it's required diligence to avoid chastising myself every time I find something I'd forgotten I had bought, something I hadn't used in years, or something for which I have duplicates.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The hardest things to let go of (at least for me) haven't been those items laden with memories, but those that no longer seem relevant. Were I not feeling relevant , this might be enough to stop me in my tracks.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The biggest challenge has not been in letting go of the stuff, however, but in facing the thinking and habits that led to such accumulation, especially in facing what I thought the stuff meant, and meant about me. It's a good thing I'm in a good place...maybe this is what it means to be ready.</span></li>
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Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05754244704171281174noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5930307742478511640.post-5531784020810374162014-01-13T11:28:00.000-08:002014-01-13T11:57:26.959-08:00Letting Go<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"All the art of living lies in the fine mingling of letting go and holding on."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I've been on a letting go binge since Christmas, fueled by two things; the first, a remark from an old friend, who looking through our guest bathroom drawers for something she needed, said with a touch of awe, "Wow, you are really organized!" The second - my internal reply, "But we still have too much stuff, it's just well-organized stuff."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So, when I sat down to write goals for this year, I decided that it's time to complete the project I started 13 years, yes, 13, ago when I was diagnosed with cancer. At that time, I had a concern, among several concerns, that were I not to pull through, what would John be left to deal with. Whenever my energy levels permitted, I began to toss, to donate, to organize. It proved to be a worthy project, not just for the results, but for the sense of achievement and control it provided at a time when I felt so out of control.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But once in remission, I slacked off. Oh, faced with a move, I stepped in the ring for another round, emerging much better organized, but still too much stuff. Now, just better-organized, labeled stuff. In two homes, no less.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So, it wasn't surprising that when we decided to move into one home in St. George (within 27 days), we had boxes and crates and furniture in the garage, on the patio, and in the courtyard. Not surprising that it has taken us almost three years to toss, and consign, and sell, and donate. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Along the way, I have continued to reorganize and rethink our use of space, our need for stuff, how I want to spend my time - not cleaning, not packing and unpacking, not searching for something I know I have somewhere in a nicely labeled container. This time around, I intend to simplify and focus on order and easy retrieval. To end the year knowing that all we have is what we really NEED and USE. That we know what we have, where it is, and how to easily retrieve it.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Therefore, I've been on a letting go binge since Christmas. This bout, however, I've taken some time to reflect on what I've learned along the way. To address why I've resisted this final purge. To fess up to what this stuff means to me, about me. (That's the next posting!) To enroll, not badger, John for his help.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm still driven by my concern for leaving John with organized chaos, (and yes, I recognize I could be the one left behind), but more than this, I do not want whatever time we have left together to be spent on stuff!</span><br />
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Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05754244704171281174noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5930307742478511640.post-70215982138458829522013-12-21T18:30:00.001-08:002013-12-21T18:30:48.316-08:00In Memorium<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Memory is the thing you forget with." </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Spend some time with any senior citizen and inevitably a comment (or dissertation) is made regarding memory. Or more accurately, memory loss. I hear myself saying, often out loud, "now, why did I come in this room?"....or "where did I put....my keys, a book, my purse, that letter," etc., etc. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Spend time with a group of senior citizens and a deeper conversation occurs. "Are you experiencing the same challenges?" "Do you worry that this may signify something worse?" "I hate this!" Nervous laughter, reassurances usually follow. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I remember having a brain scan a couple years ago and reading the report..."a normal, aging brain." I didn't know whether to be relieved or offended. I did some research, however, just to be reassured that I was indeed normal. So, for the most part, I don't worry that my lapses in memory mean anything more catastrophic.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What is more intriguing to me these days is why I remember what I do remember and what triggers the memories. Just two days ago, while watching Turner Classic Movie's day of musicals (Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly classics), there was a memorium for industry personalities that passed away this year. You know, the kind of tribute done yearly at the Oscars. Well, that one I've come to expect. This one came as a surprise. The list itself was also a surprise - Esther Williams, Dennis Farina, Jean Stapleton, Eileen Brennan, Michael Ansara, Karen Black, Eleanor Parker, Tom Clancy, Roger Ebert, Steve Forrest, Jack Klugman, Peter O'Toole - at least 20 names I recognized and another dozen faces I have come to know over the years in various character roles. The number stunned me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And with it, a flood of memories - the TV series, the iconic roles (Edith Bunker, Hot Lips Hoolihan, Lawrence of Arabia, Cochise), the people I saw the movies or series with (some no longer a part of my life), the music, and the young woman, even the little girl I was when I first encountered them. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In the couple days that have followed, I have seen this clip again. Now, expecting it, some of the surprise, the sadness, and the nostalgia has passed. And what has surfaced next is the awareness that many of these names no longer mean much to people even a few years younger than I - or other fans of TCM,. Joan Fontaine, Audrey Totter, John Kerr, Dale Robertson. Oh yes, I know that every generation has to face this phenomenon, but it is still a bit disconcerting whenever it happens. Yes, it certainly has struck me before - who were the Beatles? What was polio? Did you really walk to school in the snow? You didn't have.....!!!!??</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So what makes this experience more poignant? The sheer number of personalities? The realization that many of these names may mean little or nothing to many Americans? Or the recognition that they do mean a lot to me and that is another reminder of the passage of time, of my aging? Of my own mortality?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Maybe I'll skip the memorium segment of the Oscars this year.</span><br />
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Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05754244704171281174noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5930307742478511640.post-66669106593194154852013-12-10T13:33:00.000-08:002013-12-10T13:33:17.847-08:00Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old." </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I love a good quote. One that expresses what I'm thinking or feeling, succinctly, or lyrically. One that inspires me to see the world in a new way. Or captures an opinion with compassion or humor. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I've started to collect quotes about aging, thinking they'd make great intros to these postings. Been amazed to see how many are out there, how many seem so apropos. I don't memorize many - these days I'm lucky to remember why I've gone to another room! But I glance over them now and then, usually when I'm being particularly reflective or when I'm considering something to write. It still can surprise me to come upon a quote that seems to leap off the page, so perfect is it for the moment or circumstance.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Take this Kafka quote. And this scene....</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This is St. George. This is our street. This is the aftermath of 6 inches of snow, and the lowest temperatures recorded here in 74 years. This is a city with one snowplow (assigned full time to the local airport) and many snowbirds who live here partime to escape these very conditions. A city with many folks who don't know how to drive on snow. Who don't own a shovel and don't want tol Some folks who saw this storm only as an inconvenience, something to be endured.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And others who took it all in with wonder and joy. Who delighted in watching children build snowmen. Who took the opportunity to revisit the storms of their childhood that shut down school and brought with them tunnels and forts and snowball fights. Who bundled up and captured the beauty as best they could.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yesterday I attended an event where everyone was over 60 and the difference in the two points of view was glaringly apparent. In the very absence of any negativity, any complaining from those who attended ...arriving in cars driven by those with four wheel drive. Walking cautiously over ice lest they fall and break a hip! Holding on to one another, and "laughing all the way." Greeting each other with "Isn't it beautiful?!" Sharing stories of the snowstorms of their childhood or removing snow from their driveways with a broom, even a rake. The room was filled with laughter, enthusiasm, and delight. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This is my book club - 20 or so men and women whose company I treasure. I would have said I treasure them because they are bright and curious, respectful of each other's opinions, diverse in life experiences, and rich in skills and talents. They are. Today, I understand another contribution they make to my life. They have the "ability to see beauty" and revel in it. And so, without saying it, they refuse to grow old. So do I!!!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">p.s. In case I don't post again before the New Year, happy holidays to all and may you be surrounded by beauty.</span></div>
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Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05754244704171281174noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5930307742478511640.post-85947793728820576762013-11-20T09:29:00.000-08:002013-11-20T09:29:31.769-08:00Aging Artfully<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"The best part of the art of living is to know how to age gracefully."</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> <span style="font-size: x-small;"> ~ Eric Hoffer</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's been quite a trip down memory lane - reading the 20 year old journal that I recently uncovered. Photos, essays, lists, images from catalogs and magazines. Hopes, dreams and wishes for a future that is today.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Among it all a clipping about the veteran character actor, Jack Palance, who had just won his first and only Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor, at the age of 72. And stunned the audience by dropping down and doing a series of one-armed push-ups. I kept the article because I didn't want to lose the reported comments he made before the Senate Special Committee on Aging - the subject "aging artfully." Comments that struck me as wise and worth remembering.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Words that strike me today (now that I am 72!) as inspirational and worth sharing.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Unfortunately, too many of us seek solace and consolation as a reward for getting old. Since it happens to everyone, aging shouldn't come as a shock, and it shouldn't come as a surprise. It's a perfectly natural sequence of life, a fulfilling completion of what was designed for us in the beginning... </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"And it has nothing to do with 'getting old.'...Don't get old, don't allow it to happen. Don't let<i> them </i>think of you as old - and I mean your children, your grandchildren or those well-meaning friends who want to share their own physical decline with you. Tell them all to go to hell!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Look, one of the most important reasons for living is to <i>do </i>something - live outside of yourself and put together an idea, an idea that you want to explore and complete...Awaken your creative sensitivities."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The reporter, one Allen J. Sheinman, concluded by saying that it was doubtful that Palance left his congressional audience without a fresh perspective on the second half of life. I'd like to think so, but if it did, I don't see a lot of evidence that it has caught on. Instead, anti-aging seems to be the prevalent message everywhere I turn. With an emphasis on image. Not on health, not on purpose, not on learning or creativity. At least not in the mass media. Even Dr. Oz uses the term.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I've been searching for some time for a better way to think about this phase of my life, a way to think about it that would support effective behavioral choices. Anti-aging doesn't work for me, too negative. And the more positive phrases that have been coined, like Jane Fonda's <i>Prime Time,</i> or the Golden Years, or even the Ninth Hole (which came to me via e-mail) haven't captured my fancy. But "aging artfully", aging creatively - love it!! Thank you, Jack. And thank you, Eric.</span><br />
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<br />Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05754244704171281174noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5930307742478511640.post-74407639287172524012013-10-26T19:47:00.001-07:002013-10-26T19:47:40.424-07:00Shifting Gears<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Well, I'm back. Have been traveling. Nothing as romantic as a tour across Europe on the Orient Express. Or as altruistic as volunteering at a hospital in a Third World nation. I haven't even left St. George.</span><div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My journey has been an internal one, in retrospect similar to others I've taken every six or seven years of my adult life, a journey marked by introspection, contemplation and reflection. Marked by reading marathons, and notebooks filled with lists and quotes and questions I didn't know I had. Marked by a flurry of decluttering and reorganizing shelves and drawers Marked by a sense that whatever the final destination, it would be different than I anticipated when setting out.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Years ago, Deborah Tannen labelled these journeys "passages" and her book of that title was particularly helpful during the aftermath of my divorce - and in the subsequent passages initiated by job changes, remarriage, moves, new careers, disease and the death of loved ones. The external events that have been catalysts for the major shifts in my life. This time, however, this passage crept up on me. No significant external event. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I didn't even recognize I was on the road again until I realized I wasn't journaling with my typical long hand prose, something I'd done faithfully for over 35 years. I hadn't been blogging because I wasn't sure what I wanted to blog about. Although healthy and busy with several interesting activities, generally satisfied, I also was vaguely discontented, aware that something was missing. This time, I decided to let things unfold, to idle in neutral so to speak, to just hang out with whatever was going on and trust that I would know when it was time to shift gears and get going again. Not my usual style!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Then last week, during one of my decluttering binges, in the midst of culling through a box of old journals, I came upon a special volume I put together years ago on the heels of my 50th birthday, a volume of pictures and photos, of dreams and desires for what I hoped would be the future that is today. And discovered an interesting essay, a description of how I wanted to age. Clear, detailed, optimistic, validating - and revealing.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What has been missing has been a venue for continuing to make a difference, a contribution. One that resonates with my values, my experience, my skills. One that calls for stretching, for learning, for creating. That addresses something I am passionate about. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The contribution I want to make is to generate a meaningful conversation about aging - a conversation that is realistic without becoming whiny and fearful, optimistic without being pollyanish. I want to examine with others the challenges inherent in getting older in a society that is obsessed with youth, to raise questions and concerns that we too often avoid, and to consider alternatives with others who also want a meaningful conversation. The venue, this blog. I hope you will join me in the coming weeks.</span></div>
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Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05754244704171281174noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5930307742478511640.post-46478612780859971642013-04-09T16:52:00.004-07:002013-04-09T16:52:27.624-07:00A RANT!!!<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I normally don't rant, even work at not ranting. Typically I don't read rants. I try to stay positive and responsible, even when I'm upset, especially when I'm upset. But I HATE the new AT&T ad campaign!!!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The first few times I saw it, I was merely irritated - and confused. What are they thinking? Faster is better. More is better. Bigger is better. Not preferable, but better. Faster, more, bigger - not reliable or dependable. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Using kids to promote their message - the irritation became annoyance. </span> <span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Normally, I enjoy seeing kids in ads, but these kids should be seen, and not heard! "More, more, I want more." Ugh!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">John suggests that the purpose of the campaign may be merely to get the audience to connect AT&T immediately to the ads. If so, it's a smashing success. But I thought that advertising was intended to convince you to buy the product or service. Whereas I do find the ads using a panel of basketball icons to be an improvement over those using kids, I still find these latter ads to be especially grating and objectionable. So objectionable that I would not subscribe to the service, even if I could, or would cancel it if we did.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Now, I recognize that I don't have to watch them. If an ad appears during a taped program, I fast forward through it. If it appears during a program currently airing, I mute the sound, even switch to another channel to avoid it. Yet, its very appearance can get me muttering.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">I also recognize that I could express my distaste to AT&T, but given that 4G service isn't available in our area - and I'm definitely not in their demographic target - I doubt it would be received as anything other than an amusing piece of trivia. (And that irritates me, too!).</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">And I recognize that I may be in a very tiny minority of folks who dislike this campaign, but I can dream, can't I?</span>Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05754244704171281174noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5930307742478511640.post-35080395880319909672013-03-22T15:32:00.000-07:002013-03-22T15:32:33.661-07:00"Don't die until you're dead!"<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Don't die until you're dead" - the theme of the movie <em>Quartet </em>as encapsulated for its director, Dustin Hoffman, by Billy Connelly, one of the quartet that take stage center in this lovely movie that I am recommending to anyone over 50, and anyone under 50 who is caring for aging loved ones.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><em>Quartet </em>tells the story of four elderly British opera singers, who reunite in a home for retired, needy British musicians. The reunion is strained, for three of the quartet have been there awhile, have created new patterns, new friendships, have settled in. Then, quite unexpectedly, the fourth, the diva, the soprano played as only Maggie Smith could, arrives bringing her phonograph, the albums of her glory days, and a hefty dose of discordance and unfinished business.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The members of the quartet are veteran British actors and actresses who play off one another with a grace and sensitivity that helps you believe they could have performed together decades ago. As you are asked to believe they did - the performance, the quartet from Rigoletto. A performance they are asked to repeat for a concert to be given on the anniversary of Verdi's birthday, designed not only to raise money for the home, but to acknowledge the contribution and heritage of the home's residents.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The challenges that each member faces in order to perform are representative of the challenges many of us have faced already or will most likely face in the future - health issues, unfinished business with relationships, loss of skills and a sense of identity, loneliness. All are treated with compassion and dignity. Never harsh, never maudlin, but also never pollyannish. Humorous, but not at anyone's expense.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The cast is supported by musicians whose scenes of practice and performance are as touching as those of the quartet. Hoffman reported in an AARP interview that some of the musicians had not been asked to perform for over 30 years and were so grateful to be included that they showed up at 6 in the morning and would rehearse for 14 hours. The music itself is worth the admission, and in case you are not a huge fan of classical music, not to worry. My husband isn't either, and he enjoyed the film as much as I did. Just watching the musicians, their concentration, their dedication and the sheer joy of making music together and having their skills enjoyed and applauded was such a pleasure.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So - though I understand Billy Connelly's synopsis and smiled when I read it, I also think this movie deals with themes of friendship and forgiveness, courage and possibility. With characters who are aging, but not old. I recommend it because I think you would enjoy it and also because I want to support these lovely, quiet films that celebrate rather than denigrate. That tell simple stories well, that don't rely on special effects and gimmicks. That leave you feeling better, more hopeful than when you entered the theater. That could even leave you clapping in appreciation, as <em>Quartet </em>inspired our matinee audience. </span><br />
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Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05754244704171281174noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5930307742478511640.post-32580807447561479412013-03-09T12:52:00.003-08:002013-03-09T12:52:59.526-08:00In the Pursuit of Happiness<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I realized the other day that I am<span style="color: #e69138;"> happier</span> than I have ever been - and the realization surprised me. Partially, because I've never really aspired to be happy. Content, yes; satisfied, yes. But the word happy has never been familiar. So, it surprised me to be using it to describe how I feel. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Being inclined to analyze my feelings, to reflect on my thinking, I have been journaling on this rather interesting state of affairs - did happiness creep up on me when I wasn't looking? Have I been working toward it subconsciously? How do I nurture this? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Then the Feb/Mar issue of the AARP Magazine arrived with the article, "Give Yourself a Happiness Makeover." Aha!!! The article answered my questions - so well that I want to pass on the ten things author Dan Buettner recommends for improving one's <span style="color: #e69138;">happiness</span>. I think they are worth considering.</span><br />
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<li><span style="font-family: Arial;">Nestle in the Right Neighborhood - "where you choose to live is one of the most important determinants of your happiness." Our decision to move to a smaller, more civilized, slower paced <span style="color: #e69138;">community</span> is definitely one the biggest contributors to my personal happiness. I don't think the size of the city is important - I do strongly believe that the safety, familiarity, and sense of <span style="color: #e69138;">neighborhood</span> is.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial;">Stop Shopping; Start Saving - "research shows that <span style="color: #e69138;">financial security</span> brings much more happiness over time than buying things does." I know we are spending less, but of more significance is that what we are spending on is experiences rather than things - a cruise, musical performances - and oh yes, books. The library is on my to do list.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial;">Make the Most of Your Morning - for a good breakfast and 30 minutes of <span style="color: #e69138;">exercise</span>. We are doing well with breakfast - but exercise? Still a challenge for both of us. I must admit, however, that I feel much better when I have walked in the morning and this reminder is inspiring me to get moving again.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial;">Trim Your TV Time - "The happiest people watch less than one hour of <span style="color: #e69138;">television</span> a day, according to a study of 40,000 people who took National Geographic's True Happiness Test." One hour!!?! I've acknowledged for some time now that I am more productive with less tv time, but happy? I'm taping all shows to eliminate commercial time, eliminating reruns unless exceptional. But one hour? That's not trimming, it's probably major surgery for many people - me, included. I'm going to play around with this awhile.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial;">Get a Daily Dose of Friends - the research of Jim Harter, PhD "shows that America's happiest people purposefully plan for social times and get at least six hours a day of <span style="color: #e69138;">interaction</span> with friends and family." Maybe this explains the power of social networking. Perhaps because of my generation, I require less hours but more interaction. E-mails aren't enough. One good telephone conversation can make my day, especially if it's with a sibling or an old friend. A 'date' for lunch and a movie with John fulfills my needs for the day. And since we've retired, we try to do this every week.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Find Your Soul Mate - well, must admit I don't buy into the concept of soul mates, but I have seen the statement that "people in long term committed <span style="color: #e69138;">relationships</span> suffer less stress and live longer with fewer diseases" enough times to accept it. I would add, however, that the relationships should be mutually satisfying! Enduring isn't enough for happiness.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial;">Meet, Pray, Love - "research shows that people who belong to a faith-based community - regardless of religion - and attend services more than once a week live as much as seven years longer than people who don't." I'd like to know more about this as I am acquainted with many happy people who don't belong to faith-based communities. I have become involved in a Unitarian Fellowship - for the fellowship, the support of like-minded people, not the <span style="color: #e69138;">faith</span>. Definitely would like to know more about this research.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial;">Create a Sunny Sanctuary - ah yes, I have done this with greater success than in any other home I've lived in and I know it has made a huge difference in my morale. We've just completed the creation of an art niche where I indulge in a new passion, graphite drawing. It is filled with supplies, inspiration, mementoes...love it. Makes me smile just thinking about it - created it, bright, a <span style="color: #e69138;">sanctuary</span>.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial;">Gain Peace with a Pooch - a study published in 2011 shows "that <span style="color: #e69138;">pets</span> foster self-esteem, calmness, soothing and a feeling of acceptance." We don't have pets now because we prefer the freedom and mobility we have without them, but I have noticed how much satisfaction John gets from feeding a family of feral cats that have adopted us, as well as the colony of birds we keep alive over the winter. And he always has to reason with me whenever I see a Schnauzer.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial;">Ignite Your Passion for <span style="color: #e69138;">Compassion</span> - one body of research shows that "<span style="color: #e69138;">altruism</span> stimulates the same pleasure centers in the brain as sugar and cocaine do." And giving money away rather than spending it on self seems to bring greater happiness. I would add that for me, at least, I am gaining more satisfaction by becoming more involved in a cause or concern than by only giving financial support. That's definitely easier to do now that I'm retired, but I have known many people to have been involved while holding down jobs and caring for families. They probably don't watch more than one hour of tv a day.</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span>Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05754244704171281174noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5930307742478511640.post-67671516320370258512013-02-06T15:01:00.000-08:002013-02-06T15:01:13.329-08:00It's About Time<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Question: How contrive not to waste one's time?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Answer: By being fully aware of it all the while." ~ Albert Camus</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">I came across this quote last week while searching for quotes about time to kick start some journaling. Why time? Because I got tired of hearing myself asking, "Where has the time gone?". And I seem to be asking that question a lot lately. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">There's been the obvious events that's got me thinking about the passage of time - an impending birthday, seeing friends we haven't seen in over 10 years (10 years!), underestimating a nephew's age, looking in the mirror and seeing my mother's face looking back at me. But it's been the small, daily reminders that have been niggling at me - the arrival of a new edition of a magazine when I haven't read last month's yet, tearing off another page from the calendar, hearing that someone younger than I am has passed away, or simply noticing it's later than I thought on going to bed while having accomplished only half of what I had intended.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">So I've begun to pay greater attention to how I spend this valuable resource called time. And it is not easy! Some things I already know - that I am easily distracted, that I spend more time on the enjoyable pastimes, and far less on something that I dislike (think cleaning toilets!) and that I lose track of time when talking with someone I love. But I am also learning some new tricks for this old dog - that by simply paying attention, by being more aware I have more control of the distractions. That my father was right - it is easier to avoid temptations than resist them. That, perhaps, time means something totally different in your 70's than in your 30's anyway! And, perhaps, the most valuable AHA - that in any transition, one of the greatest challenges is to learn new ways to spend time.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">I wonder, can anyone really be aware of time "all the while"? For now, however, I'm just trying to be more attentive.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span>Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05754244704171281174noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5930307742478511640.post-31088294020964300082013-01-23T18:13:00.000-08:002013-01-23T18:13:14.994-08:00After All These Years....<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After several years of setting goals over the holidays, using several (often laborious)approaches, I almost decided to forego the process this year. After all, I'm retired now. Why drive myself? The main goal for the year - enjoy life! Then I stumbled upon two questions raised by Patti Digh, author of <u>life is a verb</u>. Digh doesn't write goals, but uses questions like these to guide her during the year. The questions:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"> What do I want to create this year?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"> What am I ready to release this year?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Now, I love chewing on a good question. Love the sense of clarity that can emerge, the new possiblity that presents itself, the visceral satisfaction of discovering a powerful answer when most needed. So, I've been playing with these questions for a few weeks now, just considering, listing ideas as possibilities. Adding to the lists. Some of my ideas:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">What do I want to create?</span><br />
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<li><span style="font-family: Arial;">an art studio </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial;">an organized garage</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial;">mini-scrapbooks of cherished memories</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">new memories, especially</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial;">a cruise to Alaska to celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">greater self-discipline - read "healthier habits"</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial;">etc., etc.</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">What am I ready to release?</span><br />
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<li><span style="font-family: Arial;">clothes I don't wear</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial;">boxes we've moved for the past 10 years without opening</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial;">my tendency to worry</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial;">ten lbs. - the same ten lbs. I've said I'd lose for the past 10 years!!</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial;">habits that don't serve me well</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial;">etc., etc.</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">In the process of creating these lists, three things have happened. First, I've shifted from thinking about what I <u>should</u> do this year to what I genuinely <u>want</u> to do... a seismic shift in itself. Second, I've already acted on a few ideas - the cruise is booked, the "studio" is underway, we've been working in the garage and...I've tossed out boxes of old journals! All within 3 weeks! And third, because these questions have been so helpful, I'm playing with a few of my own:</span><br />
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<li><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What do I want to learn this year?</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What do I want to attempt?</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What do I want to finish?</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What do I want to celebrate?</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Finally, in the process of creating these lists, I have also created some goals for 2013...after all these years, some habits do persist. But this year, using these questions to guide my thinking, the process has been fascinating, easy and even enjoyable. Thank you, Patti!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span>Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05754244704171281174noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5930307742478511640.post-51821568186471710872013-01-01T19:58:00.000-08:002013-01-01T19:58:20.680-08:00The Gift of a New Year<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It has been an interesting day - not what I had expected. Not a typical New Year's Day. In fact, I thought we'd be celebrating somewhere else, even had made the plans to do so. But John has picked up a virus and I'm still hobbling a bit from the fall I took just before Thanksgiving. We did manage to watch the Rose Bowl Parade together and were, as usual, awed by the color and the creativity, moved by a touching reunion of a young military family, impressed by the precision of the marching bands. Then he disappeared into football games and I retreated to catch an old favorite, "Sleepless in Seattle." A quiet day. A tranquil day, virus included, hobbling included.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After this past year, a trying year of endless campaigning, dysfunctional bipartisanship, natural disaster upon natural disaster, murder and mayhem, the loss of a family member - a quiet day, a day to just relax, to smile, and be reminded that people can come together safely and joyfully is a good day. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Our holidays have, in fact, been a series of quiet days. Reflective days. Still affected by the tragedy in Newtown and our personal loss, and frustrated by the fiasco in Washington, our relationship, our home, and our community have become increasingly the focus of our attention. Are we unusual, I wonder. Is this the silver lining in the pervasive thunder clouds of 2012? That we can become more conscious of what's important to us. That we can focus on nurturing and enjoying it. That we can choose to focus our efforts on what we can impact. That we can reject the fear and anger, the blame and insanity. That we can hold the possibility that 2013 will be a better year, a healthier and happier year.</span><br />
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<br />Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05754244704171281174noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5930307742478511640.post-59642039899193780182012-12-17T11:20:00.001-08:002012-12-17T11:20:34.412-08:00When Do We Take a Stand...and Mean It?!!<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Maybe it's because I know Newtown, having spent several lovely days among this lovely community. Maybe it's because the first school I administered was a primary school, K - 3. Maybe it's because I am already grieving a personal loss, but I have been glued to CNN to watch the coverage of this latest tragedy. Feeling oddly reminiscent, too reminiscent, of the assassinations of the 60's, 9-ll, Oklahoma City, Columbine. Tragedies heaped upon the innocent. Alternately raging, sobbing, applauding the courage of reporters who have challenged some of the inanity they were hearing, grateful for the respect they are showing the community, in awe of the dignity and compassion expressed by family members of victims, and despairing that this has happened yet again.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Above all, wondering whether this time we will have the courage and the resolve to address the underlying, systemic problems that contribute to this madness. Granted, no one is asking me for my ideas. Granted, I have my own biases. But I have some questions I wish would be raised by someone of influence and authority. I have some questions that could lead to different kinds of discussion than whether or not we should be arming our teachers!</span><br />
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<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What kind of society do we want to live in? A violent, armed, fearful society?</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What can we learn from other countries who are not as violent as we are? Like Japan.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What have we already learned from previous tragedies that could help us identify potential dangers?</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">How much more information do we need anyway?</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">How do we support our "leaders" (perhaps demand?!) to get beyond their own interests to work together, to get beyond their bi-partisanship? How do we become more responsible followers who are willing to sacrifice some of our own interests?</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What can Newtown teach us all about becoming caring, supportive, responsible communities? </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When do the needs of the whole trump the needs of the individual?</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What can we do as individuals to impact the quality of our society as a whole? Simply labeling us as a violent society or describing what we are seeing as "reality" that must be accepted serves only to make us more fearful, more frustrated, more isolated.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">How can we encourage, develop the critical thinking skills and the communications skills we so desperately need in order to address these larger issues together rather than against one another? </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">How can we use social networking venues to promote responsible, thoughtful action...not knee-jerk, reactionary, simplistic actions that produce more (sometimes greater) problems!?!?</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">How can we defend controlling cars more than we do guns?!</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Where are the systems thinkers that could help move a national discourse to consider the scope of the disease - right now it seems that we are arguing over the size of the bandage to put over the tumor!</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When do we take a stand...and mean it? </span></li>
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<br />Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05754244704171281174noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5930307742478511640.post-44292763458375263442012-12-07T15:20:00.000-08:002012-12-07T15:20:03.229-08:00In Praise of Good Guys<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My brother-in-law died yesterday. Because we have lived a continent apart, we were in each other's company for perhaps only 3 weeks out of the 30 years I have known him. But my sense of loss this morning is great.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You see, Gary was one of the good guys, a genuine nice guy. He had a gentle Jimmy Stewart disposition. Worked hard all his life. Took pleasure in simple things. Always played the hand he was dealt with grace and equanimity.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He adored his wife of 43 years, his children and grandchildren. It was this love that fueled his arduous fight with lung cancer this past year, enduring months of treatment with his usual upbeat, glass half-full optimism. Never complained. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He was loyal and honest, a steadfast man, accepting of everybody, tolerant of foibles that would have irritated a saint. Even when he didn't like someone, he expressed his opinions without rancor or disdain, simply as his opinion. Never nasty, never demeaning.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This world could use more good guys. I will miss this very decent man.</span>Angiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05754244704171281174noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5930307742478511640.post-50654506482280303132012-11-28T10:38:00.000-08:002012-11-28T10:43:56.897-08:00The Best Laid Plans...etc., etc.<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I had it all planned - a special holiday season. I made lists of possible day trips, restaurants to try, movie matinees, stocking stuffers. I delighted over invitations to celebrate, each an acknowledgment that this has truly become our home, smiling each time I added another date to our calendar. Even included baking cookies, something I haven't done for years. Mom's chocolate chips and snowballs for sure. My intention - to do something everyday that would make Christmas 2012 the most memorable yet.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It was to be launched with brunch on Thanksgiving Day with old friends, followed by an afternoon spent decorating our 6+ft. Christmas tree. Now, that tree is a thing of beauty, a testimony to whatever creative talents I have. Gold and copper ornaments amassed over the years (even a couple from my childhood ), plumes of gold tinsel, tiny birds with feather tails peeking out from unexpected niches, glass icicles that shimmer when the lights are lit, and as a topper, an angel that has graced every tree of our marriage.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My planning, my lists, my anticipation grew all month. Like a kid with an Advent Calendar. With each new Hallmark holiday movie I became more eager to begin, even considered putting up the tree before Thanksgiving, but couldn't convince John, who does well to tolerate my exuberance, to lug it out from the garage and struggle with the lights any sooner than he had to.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Then, on the Monday before Thanksgiving, I fell. Wrestled with the vacuum hose and lost. Landed on my right knee - on the unforgiving tile floor - barely missing the coffee table or the metal corner of a side table. After my initial shock and embarrassment - how could I be such a klutz - and reassuring my terrified husband that I hadn't heard a pop, no bones seemed to be broken, I mentally went through my lists, crossing off the tree, eliminating the parties and the day trips, indulging in one inglorious, adolescent, self-pity party.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In the long days that followed, it became evident that I had injured my knee. To what extent we weren't sure, but I knew that the shooting pains meant something was wrong. Being a holiday week, typical health care was difficult to come by. I was able to get advice as to avoiding any further damage, but couldn't see an orthopedist until this week. So I concentrated on staying off my feet and managing my morale so I wouldn't go down the rabbit hole of dark imaginings and rampant anxiety. Hobbled around on a cane, and popped Alleves. Kept apologizing to John for being a burden - my declaration, not his. </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Kept reminding myself that we have managed much bigger challenges than this. That it could have been so much worse. That other people do, in fact, have it much worse.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And wondered why I had to work so hard to manage my thinking. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yesterday, I saw the orthopedist. The good news - no break, no tear. Only significant stress and inflammation. No need for crutches or the wheel chair I had conjured up. Just a few more weeks of taking it easy, more Alleve and hobbling a bit. And rethinking my lists. Maybe not all the events, but some - which ones? Maybe not the tree, but surely wreathes, and reindeer and candles. Maybe not the day trips, but restaurants and movies. This may not be the special holiday I had envisioned, but it will be memorable. And there will be chocolate chip cookies.</span><br />
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